I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize