I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
