Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
