Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
