Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm going to jail i love you
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
