I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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