Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
