I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
