Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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