I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
