If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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