I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize