So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
