he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
