Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
