let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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