if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
