Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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