So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
