im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
