tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
