I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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