my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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