We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
