Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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