My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
