chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
