The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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