I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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