I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
