just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He passed out mid-signature
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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