I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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