Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize