I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
