I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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