looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
