Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
