bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
