I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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