seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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