Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i came on her dog
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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