I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
