someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
