i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
