Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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