I wanna bring you to show and tell
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
