he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i now understand why vodka
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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