You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
