How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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