Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
