I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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