Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
