there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
