if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
