She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
