Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
