My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
