...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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