every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you had me at cake vodka
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
