I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
