your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she peed on how many people?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
