No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
