Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
