I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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