New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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