Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
