Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
