Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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