you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
