Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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