I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
