all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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