I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize